I know that many people would look in on my life and think that I have nothing to be sad about. In actual fact I do. Many people would shrug their shoulders if they saw me in the street thinking I was a normal fifteen year old girl who loves school and spends all of her time with her friends. No. In fact they aren’t even close. Of course, I am one of those people who lives in the past. My past wasn’t the best. I’ve lost nearly all the people I’ve ever learnt to love, I’ve lost all my friends, and now I’m worse than I’ve ever been. In school I’m actually doing okay. That doesn’t mean I like it, I struggle to get up in the morning knowing I’ll be in a place where everyone is so fake. Which I guess is a contradiction. I have the exact same routine every day, every week. It just plays over and over. I spend my social life on Tumblr, speaking to the people I meet on here who have the same disorders as me. I’d rather this world to any other. I’ve been diagnosed with severe depression. Signs of bipolar and anorexia which I will be tested for later this year.
My past. Ages 1-4. My parents constantly argued. Things got really bad, and I was mostly in the middle because my brother and sister, being 10 and 12 years older than me were old enough to drown out the shouts and screams or go out and play. I was too young. Age 4. My dads mum died. Age 5. My dads dad died. Age 6. My mums mum died. Age 7. My parents split up and my great Uncle Charlie died. Age 8. We moved in with my mums boyfriend. He then dumped me outside my dads house, with three black bags of my stuff. Age 9. My mum and her boyfriend got married. Making him my step-dad. One of the worst days of my life. Age 10 - 14. Got bullied in school and through the internet. Age 11. Things were going okay. Age 13. Things started going downhill. Age 14. My beautiful niece was born. Maisie Sarah-Rose Cooper. Age 15. My one grandparent left. Grandad Ted. I was so close to him. He got diagnosed with cancer and died on October 2nd 2011. Age 15. In January 2012 I got diagnosed with depression and signs of bipolar. I am bulimic and I am showing signs of anorexia. I hate my life.
At the moment I am going to a adolescent unit who are trying to help me. I’m going again soon but I’ve told my mum I want to do this on my own as I feel now, with my family involved, I have enough strength to do so. I want to be here for everyone who are going through the stages I was. To reassure they aren’t alone.
I haven’t been to the unit in about a month and I haven’t heard off them either. It doesn’t bother me. I wasn’t going to get back there anyway, I hated it. So now, I’m recovering. I’ve been putting my negative thoughts and feelings into art and exercise. It helps. You can get better. I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, you’ve just got to find that one thing or person to give you the strength to keep going. Mine, was my niece and exercise.
I have fully recovered. I haven’t harmed in 9 weeks and have recovered from my depression. I am able to find the positive out of any situation and I am happily living my life the way I want to live it. I am here giving out advice 24/7 to anyone who needs it. I am here for all of it. I’ve got a boyfriend who I love with my whole entire heart. I’ve got the best of friends and family who are always there for me. If I can do it, so can you.
I have my problems and stresses but it's nothing out of the ordinary. I have the most amazing best friend, a lovely family and the kindest boyfriend. I have no major problems in my life. Just giving out advice and taking each day as it comes. I know what I want to do when I'm older and nothing will stop me. Not even my family. My mind is set and working.